you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
