Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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