omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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