remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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