Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
