she looked like the before picture.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
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