shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
