umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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