why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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