I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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