This is not my ceiling
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
