Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
