super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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