My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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