Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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