Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
