the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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