I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
