Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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