omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
