no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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