You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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