Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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