Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
