dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
