Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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