Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
please don't ironically join a cult
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