Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
