honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
