you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
