I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
