Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
