some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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