Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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