so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
