my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
