We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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