I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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