Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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