So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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