i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
