Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
