Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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