i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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