He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
