It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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