If i come over, it means nothing
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Randomize
