you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
