u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
