I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
