I can't watch pbs sober anymore
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
