My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
