i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
