i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
