So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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