her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize