"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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