i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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