it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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