well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
