I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my being single is dangerous.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
