i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
