I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
