A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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