she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
