I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
