when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
