The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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