My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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