An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
