I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
