This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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