I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
