i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
