Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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