its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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