all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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