I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
