Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dignity is for republicans.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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