bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
