kristin has been a bad kristin
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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